Dear Colton,
I can’t believe you are 1. I dreaded this day from the moment you were born. I knew it would go too fast. Life is soo busy, and even though I
made a conscious effort to stop and just enjoy you on a regular basis, it was
still too fast. Sometimes I was so
stressed about all the things I had to get done, but I made myself stop and sit
on the floor with you, and play. I
love to play with you. Your
curiosity, pure joy, and determination are so fun to watch. And your smile, Colton, gosh, your smile. I swear that you came out smiling and
haven’t stopped since. Your smile
is contagious, and not just to the people who are closest to you, but to
complete strangers as well. For a
long time, you would smile at anyone, instantly. Now, when I introduce you to someone new, you grab just a
little tighter to me, but not enough that anyone else notices, and you look to
me to see if I approve. It’s
usually only a matter of minutes though, and you are Mr. Social again, flirting
away. You are all boy…but I love
that you take moments out of your day to come cuddle with me. You like when I sit on the floor as you
play, and every few minutes you will come over, just to check in and get a hug,
and then you are off again. I have
to be honest, you are a bit of a bully, but I don’t think you mean it to be
that way. You like to smack people
in the face or on top of the head, bulldoze babies over, and body slam anyone
laying down – but you do it for fun and it’s almost affectionate in a way. The love you have for your sister is
something that makes my heart melt – the way that you hug her, oh – I could eat
you up! And those open mouth
kisses you give me – LOL! I
shamefully admit that I was sort of sad when I found out you were a boy, but
only because I loved Cali so much and I was confident that I knew how to raise
a girl and that creating a bond with a girl was something that I could do
easily. But I was wrong to be sad
Colton – I am sooo happy you were given to me and sooo happy that I was given
the chance to experience all the joys that a stereotypical boy brings to one’s
life. And you are all of those
things – active, energetic, more aggressive, antsy, loud, less dramatic, a
flirt, less obedient, and a momma’s boy.
You have no fear. I believe in the last week you have had
3 bloody lips. You would catapult
yourself right off the couch if I let you. I knew from the moment that I told you “No” for the first
time that I was in big trouble.
You let out the loudest belly laugh and almost couldn’t control yourself. Cali on the other hand, looked me
straight in the eye, her lip quivered, and then she cried as if I had told her
I didn’t love her anymore and had truly hurt her feelings. Amazing how opposite you two are! You are a problem solver and this
amazes me at your age. Cali would
whine and wait for me to teach her how to do something, you just keep going
until you figure it out yourself.
I kept trying to teach you to back up when your walker ran into the
wall, but you wanted nothing to do with my help and soon figured out your own
way - to walk to the opposite side, and push it from there. You love to mimic – I have never
seen a baby mimic as much and as early on as you. I swear as soon as you could hold your head up you were
copying all the random things we would do. Our all time favorite and your true trademark is “the
shake”! – Oh, I giggle just thinking about it. You are truly your father’s son – you are a goof and love to
make people laugh. On a more serious
note, your dad and I found out that you had a heart condition at 6 months old. We don’t know what the future holds for
you, but we pray every day that you will have a normal life, because anything
less is unfathomable to us. You
are my last baby Colton, and because of this, every “last” is difficult for
me. I nursed you to sleep on your
birthday and then watched you sleep for a long time. Those cheeks, your button nose, your long eye lashes, your
wispy hair, and your ear – that left ear ;)…I
love your baby face and know that my days that it will look like that (which is
why I insist on so many pictures), and my days that I will be able to cradle
you, are numbered. Your daddy
laughed at me that night because I cried on his shoulder for 45 minutes, but
that’s me, and both of you are just going to have to learn to love that about
me! ;) I will do the same when you
get on the bus for kindergarten, and the same when you walk out my door to
leave for college. But let’s not
get ahead of ourselves… I love you
Colty bear, more than words can express!
